Monday, September 22, 2014

I’m cranky and disgruntled and old.

I don’t normally stop by the blog on Mondays.  Mondays suck.  They make me cranky and disgruntled and I generally don’t feel it’s right to spread that negativity which I usually feel within me on Mondays.  I don’t like my cranky, disgruntled Mondays, and I don’t want to pass them on.

But this morning as I was getting ready for work, and listening to my favourite morning show on the radio, they announced that it was 20 years ago today that the TV show Friends made it’s debut.

friends-tv-show

20.frigging..years.ago.

And that, my bloggy pals?  THAT is how you go from just feeling cranky and disgruntled on a Monday morning to feeling cranky, disgruntle and old.

Happy Monday.  ha.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

What I’m Loving Wednesday

I know it’s only Wednesday, but I’m going to go ahead and declare this a shitty week.  A really shitty week.

And what do I usually do during shitty weeks?  Well, I take a moment to look around for things that make me smile.  To hold a little tighter to the things I love, the things that brighten my day.  Thankfully, I have plenty of those things.

Here we go with another edition of What I’m Loving Wednesday…

  • I’m loving Fall.  So, so, so loving it, you guys, and I know it’s not even “officially” here yet.  The chill in the air, the cool breeze, the leaves just starting to turn colour… I haven’t even minded the rainy, dreary days we’ve had over the past week.  It’s that time of year when I get to hunker down, make soup, get cozy.  I love it.

autumnD

  • I love the pasta dish I had at dinner on Saturday night… so much so, that I’m already plotting my return to that restaurant so that I can have it again.  It was an Italian place called Ambrosia, and I got their specialty dish, Spaghetti Ambrosia.  It was fresh pasta tossed in olive oil and garlic, with spinach and roasted red peppers, salty pieces of prosciutto, and a big creamy mound of goat cheese on top of it.  Sounds simple enough, but my attempts to re-create it in the kitchen last night were a sad failure…
  • I’m loving comfort food.  I know I’ve talked incessantly about getting myself back on the wagon, making healthier choices, and fitting back into my pants again… but some weeks just call for comfort food, y’know? On Monday, the shittiest of days, I self-soothed with Cool Ranch Doritos and a bag of Swedish Berries.  And I’m not apologizing for it.  ‘Cause some days?  Some days, you just need it.

cool ranch doritos

  • I’m loving Big Brother.  (and trying not to think about the fact that it’s almost over!!) 
  • I’m also loving Derrick.  So.frigging.much.

CBS-Big-Brother-16-July-9-2014-22

  • I’m loving this song:

  • I’m loving old movies.  This week, it was Ghost.  On a rainy evening, there was nothing more comforting that cozying up on the couch with my favourite quilt and slipping into a make-believe world where Patrick Swayze is still alive (and yet, not really, because he was a ghost, of course), tormenting Whoopi Goldberg, and saying “Ditto” to Demi Moore.

ghost-movie

  • Despite the on-going food-related issues, I am still working out, and I am still loving PiYo.  At least I’ve got that going for me.
  • I’m also loving the Yonanas machine that I was recently gifted.  Only problem?  The bananas I bought last Friday night to freeze haven’t hit that over ripe “cheetah spotted” stage they need to be at for me to freeze them.  Why is it any other time they seem to get over-ripe way too fast, but this week, they’re staying lovely and yellow, not a spot in sight?  *sigh*

yonanas

soup recipe

  • I love that I’m going to get some shopping done on Saturday.  I have a birthday gift card to H&M, and a few items I have my eye on at Old Navy, to complete my fall wardrobe.  Nothing helps you get through a shitty week more than the promise of retail therapy…  Grey jeans, here I come.

Hope you’re all surrounded by things you love and people making you smile, even on the shittiest of days. XO

Friday, September 12, 2014

Friday… Let’s confess!

Ahhhhh Friday! My favourite day of the week! And also, coincidentally, the perfect day to make some confessions…

I confess… that I’m sort of dreading this weekend. Not because it’s not full of fun things – it IS – but because I’ve given myself the challenge of getting through the next few days without gaining weight. Not one ounce. Doesn’t sound too difficult to you? Well, it does to me. I haven’t made it through a weekend unscathed in the past few months, and those weekend pounds seem to be sticking. Unfortunately for me, all of the “fun” parts of this coming weekend revolve around food. Dining out twice on Saturday, and a family birthday celebration on Sunday. It’s going to be tough.

I confess… that a very big part of me wants to give myself another one of those “weekend passes” that I’ve been handing myself far too often lately. I can’t keep doing it. Those “weekend passes” are killing me.

I confess… I always say that food makes me happy, but truth is, my pants fitting me makes me even more happy. I need to keep repeating that to myself all weekend long.

I confess… that – speaking of pants – I really want a pair of grey jeans. I’ve seen them on Old Navy’s website. They are my only one true fall wardrobe desire!

grey jeans

I confess… that while I feel sorry for all the people in Calgary who have had snow dumped on them this week in this freak summer snowstorm, there is a little part of me deep inside that is secretly jealous. I want to be the victim of a freak summer snowstorm!!!

snow calgary summer 2014

I confess… I don’t know what I’m going to do once Big Brother is over. There are only two weeks left to go, and I’m going to feel a bit lost once it’s done.

big brother cast 2014

I confess… that I’ve actually been “saving” some of the BB episodes on my PVR, just in case I go through withdrawals. All summer, I’ve been watching and deleting, but lately, I’ve been saving some of my favourite episodes because I honestly can’t imagine life without Derrick, Cody, Caleb, and even Frankie… I might need to re-visit them once in a while.

bb16

I confess… that absolutely, positively one of my favourite episodes ever was this week when Derrick and Frankie unleashed a fake mouse/rat on the house, via a Team America mission, and in turn, we discovered the biggest scaredy-cat in the house is Cody. Watching him leap onto a stool, and hop from chair to chair while screaming out the other guys to keep searching and catch it was…well… priceless.

bb 16 mouse hunt

Alright, folks. That’s it for today! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! :)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Being held accountable (whether I like it or not)

So yesterday I said I wasn’t going to talk about my diet situation, because it’s depressing and pissing me off.

But the truth is, I always feel a bit better about that kind of stuff after I’ve hashed it out with pen and paper (or keyboard and computer screen), so I apologize in advance, but here goes another one of “those” posts.

There are several things I’ve learned since making my weight loss/maintenance journey public over the past year and three-quarters. One is that, in the early stages, having cheerleaders and a strong support system is crucial. As I slowly made progress and reached small little victories and goals, having friends there to share it with was wonderful. They’d pat me on the back, cheer me on… and I have to admit I kind of thrived on that. I’ve always taken well to praise, so hearing the, “Way to go!” “You’re doing awesome!” “You’re so inspiring!” messages made me feel good. It made me want to keep going.

Another thing I learned, particularly around the time I was realizing my BIG goals – hitting my goal weight, reaching “the magic number” - was that making a journey like this public also opens the door to harsh criticisms. For some reason, I hadn’t expected that. Luckily, I didn’t face much of this – only a select few who were brazen enough to say it to my face. “You look like a skeleton. You look sickly.” Hardly. But I did let those words gnaw away at me. They bothered me. Eventually, though, I turned their words into fuel for the fire. I wasn’t going to let those voices drag me down. Haters gonna hate. They made me just want to keep going.

And I did. Nobody was gonna stop me. Full steam ahead!!!

This past year I’ve considered to be the “maintenance” phase, and as I’ve documented here time and time again, it’s been a struggle. In fact, on many days, I consider it a battle I’m losing, as I’m constantly being tempted by “bad” foods and treats, and the pounds have crept back on. I’ll go on a two-week tear and lose some of those pounds, but then a weekend of poor eating choices comes around again, and I’m right back to square one. Back to trying to lose “that 10-15 lbs” that keeps pushing me away from my goal weight that I was so excited to reach around this time last year.

I always knew this might happen. As a foodaholic, I know that this battle will be never-ending, and I have to work hard to get through these periods of struggle and despair.

And whaddyaknow… that support system I was talking about?? Well, it is rising up again. Even if I’m reluctant to look them in the eye right now. Even though I’d rather they turn their heads and ignore me as I stuff my face with chips and cheeseburgers and ice cream.

They are crawling back out and saying, “Hey, c’mon. You can still do this. We’re here to help.”

I have my mom. I have an accountability partner. I have a group of like-minded people on Facebook, where we post our victories and struggles. I have family and friends.

And to be honest, I really do wish they’d all just turn away and leave me alone. When I’m in a “food funk”, as I’ve been calling this, I’m not in the right frame of mind to listen to the cheerleaders. I’d rather run and hide and continue making bad choices rather than listen to encouragement and advice and supportive “you can do it!” comments.

Yet, still, they keep coming at me. Last night, it was a chance encounter with a friend at the post office; a friend who has had struggles similar to my own. We were comparing notes – asking each other about programs we’d been doing lately, and how it’s been going with the diet. I had to admit that things haven’t been going so well for me, especially in the food department. She said something that resonated with me: “I need to just do this. Make healthier choices and really make this a lifestyle change. Because that’s totally what it is.”

A year ago, I truly thought I HAD made my lifestyle change. But what I had been doing was breaking it down into “projects” and “challenges” for myself. Once I’d reached the big goals I’d set for myself, there were no more projects or challenges left to complete, and that’s when the failures started piling up.

This isn’t about a project or challenge anymore. This is my life. I worked hard to reach these goals, but it’s equally important now to keep it going. To stay on the right track. To continue on being the healthiest, happiest version of me that I can be.

There isn’t really any big goal to set or list of things I need to accomplish now. It’s simply a matter of applying all the things I’ve learned over the past almost-two-years. They worked before. They will work again. I just have to quit hiding from them, and embrace them all. Make them part of my life.

I was thankful to her for making this all clear to me in that moment.

As she was about to drive away, she called out: “Let’s keep checking in with each other, OK? Maybe we can keep each other accountable.”

Another link in that support system that I just can’t seem to escape from.

Thank God for that.

Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Randoming it up

Tuesday…the best day of the week to go random, don’t ya think?

  • I was in a total funk yesterday.  It started when I woke up with a niggling little headache.  Not bad enough to miss work over it or anything – in fact, I even hesitated to label it a headache for most of the day – my head was just… not right.  And thus, Jill as a whole was not right.  By evening, it had escalated into the “real thing”, and it even woke me in the middle of the night, just throbbing.  I took some Advil, heated the magic bag, and went back to sleep.  Thankfully that did the trick, as I woke feeling much better this morning.
  • I also think part of my problem yesterday was stress.  Even though I feel like our Car Rally plans are really taking shape and looking good, I still stress over it all.  And on top of that, I have Christmas House Tour on my mind 24/7.  My mom suggested this morning that I kill my plans to be on the house tour because she thinks I’m going to stress way too much over it (thus making her life a living hell dealing with me on a daily basis), but honestly, those plans are exciting me, not bothering me (at least, not yet).  I just need to get through Car Rally first…
  • I used to love being a planner.  Used to thrive on it, in fact.  Organizing and planning fun events was one of my favourite things to do.  In my “old age”, though?  Not so much.  I’m realizing that more and more every day.
  • OK, that makes me sound like an old bear.  I still love fun events, trust me!  It’s just the planning part that I don’t enjoy anymore.  I wish I had a magic fairy that would just swoop in and do that part for me.
  • I have a banana guard on my desk.  I’ve been bringing it to work (with a banana inside, of course) almost every day for two weeks.  I keep waiting for one of the guys to comment on it.  I was certain it would draw some attention.  But so far, nothin’.  I’m disappointed in these men that I work with!

banana-guards

  • Every time I hit a Seinfeld episode that I recognize as iconic from hearing others talk about it, I feel just a little bit more like I’m in the Seinfeld Club.  Last night it was the “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” episode.  I kinda smirked the whole way through it, like, “Heh.  Now I get it.”

pretzels

  • I’m not even going to talk about my diet today.  I’m feeling very dismal about all of that, and truthfully, it’s pissing me off.  So thus, I’m going to ignore it, and the extra pounds that keep creeping back on.  So there.
  • My friends all laugh at me when I say I think Jimmy Fallon is hot.  But he really is totally sexy to me.  Not in the conventional way – I mean, I know he’s no Channing Tatum – but I think it’s more about his charm and his funnyness and his sweet genuine persona and his incredible talent that have drawn me to him.  Yeah… I do think Jimmy is hot.  In fact, I might even rank him higher than Channing Tatum right now.  He’s my favourite part of the day!

jimmy-fallon-hosting-getty

  • It might only be Tuesday, but I’m already looking forward to the weekend.  I’m going to a bridal show on Saturday with friends, two of whom are brides-to-be, and then there are several events scheduled to celebrate my brother’s birthday – with friends on Saturday night, and with family on Sunday.  So very much looking forward to it!
  • The problem with looking forward to the weekend this far in advance?  Makes for a very long week… *sigh*
  • C’moooooooooooooon Friday!! ;)

Happy Tuesday, folks!

Friday, September 05, 2014

Where has this week gone?!

So. Um. It’s kinda Friday. Like... where the hell did this week go? Ahh, short weeks. They seem so awesome in theory, but in actuality, they are complete chaos.

Can’t let the week go by completely without a little bloggy blog post though. Confessions? I think so!

I confess... that I did serious diet damage on Fair weekend, but it wasn’t even because of the Fair food. Ok, well, it might’ve been partially to blame (because, let’s face it, the Barn Burger from Bonnie’s is probably a full days worth of calories all on its own, without adding in the basket of fries that accompanied it, and the ice cream and Beavertail I had later on that same night...whooops.) The real damage was done on Monday evening, when I couldn’t get my snack cravings under control, and ended up getting not one, but TWO bags of chips from the store. *sigh* I really suck at this “healthy eating” crap.

I confess... that I don’t regret the Fair food. Not one bit. The Fair food was all planned treats that I was OK with and I had carefully worked my other meals around the Fair indulgences. But I do regret those chips, because I ended up having them lingering around for a few days, and they prevented me from getting “on a roll” this week. And I feel better when I’m “on a roll”.

I confess... that I’m loving PiYo, but I’m not entirely sure I’m doing it right. Example: the other night I did the 30-minute Core workout, and the next day my shoulders and upper back were sore and achy (the good kind of sore and achy). Not even a slight twinge in my core, though. Hmmm...

PiYo core

I confess... that one of the biggest perks of PiYo is that the shorter workouts are allowing me ample time to get a walk in in the evenings. I’ve so missed my evening walks!

I confess... that I’m actually a big fan of the days getting shorter. I mean, of course longer days and extra sunlight is awesome, we all know that. This time of year, though? When the sunsets are happening earlier, and the evening chill starts to set in? When the sun isn’t quite up yet when I roll out of bed in the morning? Yeah... yeah, I really do love the shorter days that come with the fall. They make me feel cozy and content.

I confess... that Jimmy Fallon and Adam Levine totally made my week with this:

I confess... I discovered a Robin Williams movie that I’m not such a big fan of. The other night, I watched Hook. Or, rather, tried to watch Hook. I’d never seen it, and the premise sounded really neat. Plus, it co-starred Dustin Hoffman and Julia Roberts, and I’m a fan of both of them, too. But as it turns out? Hook is not Jill’s cup of tea. Couldn’t even stay awake, actually.

hook

I confess... that I am glad I decided to give Patch Adams a second chance, though. I remember seeing it as a kid and not really liking it. I thought it was terribly sad.  I suppose as a kid, though, I was probably looking for more Mrs. Doubtfire and this wasn’t quite the same kind of movie.   As an adult, I discovered the beautiful bittersweet story all over again, and this time, I loved it. What a wonderful movie.

patch adams

I confess... I’m still not done my Robin Williams tributing. I still have Dead Poets Society to watch. Hopefully I’ll get a chance this weekend.

I confess... that I’ve got a bit of a busy weekend on deck, but it’s mostly good things. Some grocery shopping after work tonight, and then tomorrow I have a hair appointment and dinner out with the girls for my friend Stacy’s birthday. Sunday will be church, brunch, and more Car Rally planning. We have about five weeks left before the big day…eep!!

I confess... that I’ve probably spent more time thinking about Christmas than is normal for early September. But I’m so excited to start planning for the Christmas House Tour – and I’m pretty sure I’m going to actually be on it this year (if I can find enough other houses), so my mind is full of decorating ideas!! Can’t wait for Car Rally to be over so I can focus completely on Christmas! ;)

Happy Friday, gang! Have a great weekend! :)

Friday, August 29, 2014

The Labour Day Weekend Plans

Happy Friday! And the Friday of a long weekend, no less! I’m so happy it’s finally here!

I’ve wracked my brain to try and come up with some confessions before going into the weekend, but honestly, I can’t come up with anything interesting. I’ve hit a little bit of writer’s block, I guess. So instead, I thought I’d just run thought I’d share some of the plans I have for this weekend!

happy_labour_day_canada_dock_postcard-p239447464661296142envli_4001 (1)

Tonight, I’m heading up to the Fair after work. My mom is working a shift in one of the exhibition halls, and I’ll be going up with her and meeting up with my friend Priscilla once we get there. I’m sure we’ll run into other friends while we’re touring around! The headliner tonight is Canadian classic rock band Chilliwack, and I have to admit, I know NOTHING by them. But Priscilla is a classic rock fan, and she says I’ll recognize some of their songs. Truthfully, I’m mostly going for the food, of course! My favourite reason to go to the Fair! ;) I’m thinking Billy T’s pizza, and possibly a Beavertail… Needless to say, all my meal-planning and calorie-counting is Fair-centric this weekend!

brkdwn Yep.  Sexy.  I know.

Saturday I had no plans to go to the Fair, and as it turns out, the weather is making that decision even easier. The weather man is calling for a showery, gloomy day, which sounds just perfect for lounging around, reading and watching movies! I got my grass cut earlier this week, I did a major housecleaning last weekend, so I have no major jobs to do.  I did get my post-Robin-Williams’-death parcel from Amazon this week, though, which means I have Mrs. Doubtfire and Patch Adams on DVD to watch. I’m also hoping to get some reading done. I started our next book club selection, The Virgin Cure by Ami McKay, a few weeks ago, and while I think it’s going to be a book I enjoy, I just haven’t had much time to get into it yet. I go to bed and plan to read each evening, but after a page or two, I’m head-bobbing. Hopefully the quiet, rainy Saturday will entice me to spend some quality time with my book. And last but not least, I will definitely be spending some time reviewing the questions we’ve come up with so far for Car Rally and brainstorming some more to add, as we still have a bit of work to do on our questions. I should have lots of time to play around with that, get some research done, and focus my full attention on it.

Originally my friends and I had plans to go out for dinner for my friend Stacy’s upcoming birthday, but that has been put on hold due to some last minute obstacles. Since I have absolutely no plans now, I’ve tossed around the idea of forgoing my quiet day at home in favour of heading instead to the city with some of the gift cards I received for my birthday to do a little shopping; possibly coerce my mom into joining me and going out for lunch or dinner as well. I’d like to get some additions for my fall/winter wardrobe, and with the busy weekends of birthdays and car rally planning ahead, I’m not sure when I might get another chance. As of right now, though, the lazy day at home sounds much better… We shall see how the spirit moves me!

On Sunday, I’ll go to church and likely out for brunch with the fam-jam, and then I shall excitedly anticipate heading up to the Fair again, this time with my friend Lindsay to see one of my fave country bands, Emerson Drive. They performed at the fair a few years ago (actually, more like 5 or 6 years ago now, I think?) - and they were awesome. They put on a great show, and I can’t wait to see them again! Another thing I can’t wait for? Heading to one of my favourite Fair food booths, Bonnie’s, for the delicious Barn Burger!! It was the highlight of my Fair experience last year, and I was so happy that Linds concurred that that is where we shall dine on Sunday. Once again, the forecast isn’t looking so hot – but I’ll dig out a raincoat and umbrella if I must. I don’t want to miss this one! This will also be the day I stop to pick up a bag of my favourite Fair treat: Cotton Candy! Yum!!

Emerson-Drive1

cotton candy

That brings us to Monday… Ah, nothing better than a Monday of a long weekend. That’s Demolition Derby day at the Fair, but I think I’ll probably skip it to bum around home. I’m looking forward to sleeping in, getting some laundry done, and who knows what else I might do on my day off. All I know is that I’m going to ENJOY it!!

Hope you all have a fabulous long weekend, and if you’re going to the Fair… I’ll see you there! :)

Fair image