Lost my place in the line again, put it back on the shelf and let the dust settle in…
You guys know that Serena Ryder song? “All For Love”?
It’s kind of my Single Girl Anthem.
And that lyric up there? It’s been on my mind a lot lately.
I’ve just been kind of wondering. You know. When is it going to be MY turn in line?
This “find a husband” game? It’s kind of a tricky little pain-in-the-ass game. Granted, I’ve given myself some very tricky parameters to work with – small town, high standards, great expectations, and all that – but it’s a game that I seem to be losing at.
We single people? We really are all like in a line-up, waiting our turn. Like a bunch of goofs. Waiting for our opportunity to get off the bench and play the game. Just waiting for a chance, you know?
And there’s a really big reason why I keep losing my damn place in line.
Because people who have already had a turn keep jumping back in line in front of me again.
When I was younger – in my late teens, early twenties – competition was tough. All of my friends were single and, quite frankly, they were better “players” than me. More attractive, better at flirting, more outgoing – and of course they had me beat in the self-esteem department. Clearly. ;)
I didn’t really worry too much about it back then. I figured if I waited my turn, eventually all of the competition would thin out. Would the pool of options be as deep? No, probably not. Would there not be new, younger competitors entering the game all the time? Absolutely. But at least with less competition in my own age bracket, I’d have more of an opportunity. And I just hoped against hope that there would be a diamond in the rough, waiting for me.
I never factored in the possibility that by the time I was in my late-twenties, still single and looking, still waiting for my turn to play – that some of those old competitors would be returning to the game!!!
Here’s an example – not really a situation that directly affects me, but one that opened my eyes to this problem earlier this year.
It was Quyon Canada Day Golf Tournament day, back in late May. I was sitting at the table selling drink tickets with my friend and fellow committee member, Susie. And then this guy – whom I shall call “D-Mack” – came and sat down with us.
(Sidenote: I realize, for those of you who are local, that “D-Mack” is not a very secretive “code name”. And if D-Mack knew I was using him in a story on my blog, he’d probably be very, very pissed off at me. So don’t any of you shitheads tell him!!!)
OK. Back to the story.
So we’re sitting there, selling booze tickets, and D-Mack is yapping away to Susie, but I was only catching bits and pieces of what he was saying. I finally said to her, “What the heck is he talking about?”
She kind of laughed and said, “Well, he’s telling me about how badly he wants to find a woman. And he’s asking me to think good thoughts for him, and to pray for him. To pray that he finds a good girl.”
And then I was all like, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…HOLD THE FLIPPING PHONE!!! We are not going to pray for YOU to find someone!!! You have HAD YOUR TURN. You have grown up kids. You have HAD YOUR CHANCES. If we are going to be saying any prayers for anyone to find a good person to fall in love with them, we will be saying those prayers for ME!!!”
Of course, D-Mack just laughed at me.
And then, once again, told Susie to pray for him.
Another case in point? Earlier this summer, my sister told me about being at a party and hearing some of her single friends lamenting the lack of men in the area, and my sister thought it would be fun to have a “Bachelorette: Quyon” competition. She was telling me about it, thinking I’d be all Wow, Kara, good idea, count me in! – when, in fact, my reply was, “Um. No.”
The reason? All of the single girls she’d been talking to, who were complaining about being single - they all have had their turns, too. They’ve had boyfriends, husbands, kids. If we’re going to do “The Bachelorette: Quyon”, I think it’s only fair that a TRUE “single girl” gets all the glory. (And the men.)
When I’m done, they can sift through the leftovers.
I recognize that this entire post makes me sound like a very bitter, selfish girl. And I also recognize that these attributes aren’t exactly going to endear me to any single, available men lurking around out there.
But if you were still alone at my age – having never had a really true, strong chance to play the “game”, and just yearning to hold your own babies in your arms – well, I think you might feel the same way too.
I don’t want to lose my place in line again. I don’t want to let that dust settle in.
I want everyone else to get out of the way.
Because all I just really want is my turn.