It was my biggest fear after I dropped the weight. I was so worried I'd let myself backslide. And here I am. Willpower shot, disappointed in myself, and craving all the junk food in the world. I let it happen.
HOW did I let it happen?!?
OK. That's enough of that. I hate berating myself over this stuff. I've always said this is a journey that I'll never be done with - it will be a challenge for me my entire life - and this is just another stop along the way.
So. What am I going to do about it?
I've decided this time I want to tackle it in smaller ways. No big "Lose 30 lbs before my birthday" promises. Just a few small tweaks I want to make to get myself back on a healthy path. I already have kept some healthy practices, and I know the way to go about things, so it shouldn't have to be a giant leap. It should be easy.
First of all, it's a promise to be active 5-6 times a week. You might be thinking, "But Jill... you already do that, don't you?" Confession: Since Christmas, I have fallen off the work-out wagon, hard. I was making up excuses, and my rigid vow to get up early every morning to do a half-hour workout 6 days a week had fallen by the wayside. I was giving myself a pass more days than not. Since our trip to Florida, I haven't gotten up early at all. I still try to be active every day, but I've been hit or miss at best.
Here's the thing: I loathe getting up early. I forced myself, I made it a habit, but I never liked getting up at 5:30. So why continue making myself do something I hate? I used to work out in the evenings all the time, and only did early mornings if I knew I wouldn't have time at night. So that's the new plan. Forget the earlier wake-up. Just make damn sure I get some exercise in later in the day. My noon-hour 15 minutes walks will continue, weather permitting, and after work I will go for another walk (maybe start up jogging again), or snowshoe while I can, or curling, or whatever other kind of physical activity I might find myself enjoying. And if it's not nice out, then do a work-out video (I have a wide selection to choose from), or my other favourite "workout" lately, which is putting on good tunes and just dancing around (Zumba-style) for at least half an hour. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. And if there are plans on for the evening, then and only then will I force myself to get up earlier. The "being active" portion of the day is non-negotiable.
So then, we have the food problem. Which, really, is the bigger problem here. I love food. I love food that is bad for me. I crave junk. All the time. And if I'm eating something I love, I always want more. I eat larger portions. I go back for seconds. I don't have a shut-off valve. I eat until I'm painfully full. And I hate vegetables.
How do I remedy this? Well, Lent is conveniently about to begin - in exactly one week - and I have decided to go with my trusty ol' standby of giving up potato chips. Yes, I'm back in the vicious chip-and-dip cycle, snacking on them almost every night, and I don't just eat "a few". So it's time to say good-bye. I always tend to stick to my Lenten promises better than anything else, so it should work out well. I'm toying with the idea of giving up potatoes in general (french fries and poutine are always on my mind, not even joking) but not sure I can make that commitment... I'm thinking about it, though.
Another goal I'm trying to put into effect is "forget sugar - eat fruit". I am trying ever so hard to get rid of the leftover Christmas baking in my freezer, as it is a constant temptation. Replace my daily sweets indulgences with fruit. I love fruit, so why not eat more of it? Easy peasy.
I'm also thinking I should go back to logging all my food and exercise with Myfitnesspal. It keeps me mindful of what's going in my mouth, portion sizes, etc. I hate that calorie counting has to be part of my life, and my goal has always been to just learn to "eat right' and I wouldn't have to do that, but as we can see, I have failed miserably in that endeavour. So back to tracking and logging, if I must.
The idea, at it's core, is to "eat less - move more". I don't want to take a meal replacement shake. I don't want to weigh myself obsessively. I don't want to take progress pictures. I just want my clothes to fit me again, to not hate what I see in a photo of myself, to get some of that good mojo I had a few years ago back again.
Baby steps this time. And hopefully once I get a few of these small practices back in place, big results will follow.